Nurtured Heart – The Credit System

Let me start by saying, there is no one way to do the Credit System, nor does a family need to use a Credit System to do the NHA. In fact, there’s room for modification much as there is in RDI. One must follow the basics to lay down the fundamentals but within that, there is some flexibility in the day to day so that each family can weave NHA into their lifestyle. 

But I will say, by way of a mild warning, we didn’t have clarity or success or a sense of real teamwork until Dave and I decided to do the NHA exactly as it was outlined in Glassser’s book. Full disclosure: until I decided to get on board with the book. And Dave. Who was ready. While I remained skeptical. And reluctant.

And wrong.

Pardon me while I pick Dave up off the floor. Yes, dear! I said it! I was wrong!

Let’s have a party!!

 

Okay…back to the Credit System…

Glasser’s newest book, All Children Flourishing, doesn’t outline the Credit System. We got our information from the first book with the bad title, Transforming the Difficult Child, and from the dvd of the same name.

Here’s what we did:

After a few weeks of laying on the Recognitions as specifically and creatively and consistently as we could, we began to tie them to following the rules. This was a way to couch the rules in positive terms, meaning, recognizing Fluffy for all the ways he was following the rules in each moment. We used that time to reinforce the things that were particularly challenging, things like:

NO: interrupting, drawing on the furniture, leaving toys out after use, banging the silverware and dishes on the table, spitting, hitting, yelling, pushing, etc.,

YES: bringing his plate to the kitchen, feeding the dog, getting dressed, brushing his teeth, hanging his coat up, taking a break to calm down, doing what Mom and Dad say, going to sleep on his own, wiping his bum after a poo poo, etc.,

Then we introduced the Time Outs or what we now call Resets and spent another few weeks of working with that, really laying on the recognition now for every time he took the Reset when we asked.

THEN Dave and I sat down and wrote up three lists:

1.   Chores, Responsibilities & Achievements

2.   Rules

3.   Privileges

We assigned a certain number of credit points to each item on the list, ie, how many credit points Fluffy would earn by following this or that rule and by doing this or that chore or by achieving this or that thing, AND how many credit points it would cost for him to buy this or that privilege.

That involved a lot of shooting around in the dark. We simply didn’t know what value to assign some items. Glasser gives you a way to deal with this as one of the things you say when you sit down with your child is that, This is how Mom and Dad think this will work best but we may have to change some things as we go along.

We had been talking about the Credit System for a few days so by the time we sat down with Fluffy, he was beside himself with excitement. We showed him the three lists and asked him to add whatever he could think of to each.

To me, this is brilliant. We told Fluffy, the more rules there are, the more opportunity for earning credit points. And the more responsibilities and achievements he adds, the more credit points he can earn. It’s empowering and exciting and developmentally challenging for him to think of himself and his behavior in this way, to see himself as part of a team, to think about what might be good for him, important for the household, AND, to have us write down every treat or goodie he would like to have in his life and see that he has a hand in making it happen. 

You can use whatever you want for the bucks. We’re using play money, just bills, ones, fives, tens, and twenties. I’ve heard of some families using real money with a picture of their child cut out and superimposed on the president and then photocopied. That way, they can have individualized bucks if they are doing the Credit System with more than one child.

We didn’t want the focus to be on the POINTS all day long and we also didn’t want to stop and negotiate and figure points in each moment so we don’t post the sheets. I laminated them so they’re sturdy and store them in my office next to the stack of the fake cash.

The Credit System is all about continuing to build a feeling a success.  At the end of each day, we go over what happened and hand over the money, but we ONLY mention the good and credit points are NEVER taken away. If a rule wasn’t followed or a chore wasn’t done, we don’t mention it but we also don’t give the points for it.

You want your child to feel rich. Make sure to put things on the Rules sheet that your child already does so that they are sure to earn points right away. Make sure to allow them to earn enough points so they can purchase things right away.

In fact, since you might be initially taking away things they used to get before you started the Credit System, you might want to start by giving them a chunk of bonus credit points. Glasser suggests this and I love the idea. When we started, we told Fluffy we were so proud of how respectful and cooperative he’d been lately, so pleased with how great things were going overall, we were going to start the Credit System with a big bonus. We then added additional bonus points to recognize him for being open and flexible enough to try a whole new way of doings including his having to ‘buy’ some things he didn’t used to have to buy, for example, computer time during the week or an extra dessert.

Here are a few items off our lists:

Chores, Responsibilities & Achievements

1.   Feed Beegu every night

2.   Bring all of your dishes to kitchen from dining table

3.   Brush teeth every morning by yourself

4.   Brush teeth with Mom or Dad every night

5.   Help unload dishwasher when asked

6.   Go to bed on your own

7.   Take a break to calm down

8.   Clean up toys, books, games, etc., after playtime is over

9.   Try new foods

 

Rules

 1.   No yelling or screaming in someone’s face

2.   No pushing, hitting, punching, grabbing, pinching, or holding

3.   No mouth on others (biting, sucking, spitting, licking)

4.   No mocking/teasing

5.   No ignoring timer when it’s been set for computer time

6.   No using computer outside of agreed upon computer time

7.   No wrestling or jumping on others without permission

8.   No disobeying Mom or Dad

 

Privileges

1.   5 minutes of any computer activity (60 minutes/week max)

2.   5 minutes of educational computer time (60 minutes/week max)

3.   15 minutes of extra playtime with Dad (60 min. week/max)

4.   15 minutes of extra reading time with Mom (no max)

5.   15 minutes of extra independent reading time at bed

6.   choice of family activity

7.   $1.00 allowance ($3.00 max/week)

8.   choice of lunch (1 time/week max)

9.   choice of dinner (1 time/week max)

10.extra movie night (1/month)

 

Each point = one dollar.

We give big points to certain things that are bigger deals for Fluffy, for example, big points for going to sleep on his own, trying new foods, brushing teeth on his own, brushing teeth with us cooperatively, BIG points for getting off the computer when his time is up, BIG points for no mocking or teasing other kids, HUGE points for taking breaks when he needs to calm down, etc.,

Pricing privileges is tricky, for example, Dave plays with Fluffy every morning before he goes to work (upstairs in his studio) and also every evening at 5pm when he comes ‘home’. If Fluffy wants to buy extra playtime, Dave will let it cut into his work time in the morning in 15-minute increments but we put the 60 minute limit on it or else Fluffy would never let him leave for as long as he had credit points to spend! Lunch and dinner choices are either pizza or French fries out and for the sake of his health (!), we limit that to once a week each. Computer time is limited for obvious reasons, but the educational time is less expensive than the game time as an incentive for him to choose that over gaming.

We’ve added things as we’ve gone along. For example, Fluffy is now recognizing when his body energy is off and says things like, My energy is feeling too high. I think I need a sensory meal. This is HUGE! We want to encourage and reward him for tuning in to his body and communicating his needs so we quickly added “Recognizing sensory needs” to the Achievements list and assigned it big points.

Fluffy is now very rich. So rich, in fact, that we are about to introduce a once a month Privilege sheet that has some big ticket items so he can spend down that stash! Dave and I are brainstorming what those might be. We have until the weekend to come up with it!

The first week we did the Credit System, Fluffy said, Oh Mom, I feel happy. I feel really really good! I feel a happiness inside my body!

So far, the Credit System is making us all feel good inside.

It’s not that having money equals having value, which was my hesitancy when I first thought of this system, it’s that kids like Fluffy need a currency. They need to be able to hold the tangible representation of the wealth that is within them, that is seen and recognized by us.

They need choices that don’t burden but DO empower.