when in doubt, itemize. then weep.

1. A friend of mine told me there’s a flu bug going around. One of the symptoms is low self-esteem, a sure belief that one sucks at the very thing one is actually here to do.

2. Another symptom is weepiness.

3. I have that bug.

4. The weepiness is profuse.

5. Last night at bedtime, Fluffy said to me, Mom, I think God and Reiki and Jesus Christ and the Dali Lama are all really the same thing. They all come from the one powerful healing energy in the universe.  

6. Weep.

7. Miss Peepers lives! She’s out of the cardboard box and back in the yard with the girls. Sure, she walks a bit different than the rest of the birds but I like to believe she’s garnered a kind of celebrity status, like Jesus, risen from the dead. 

8. Weep.

9. Even though a tiny part of me got tripped up by why this beautiful woman who positively drips with talent would be spending her nights alone, the Tony Lightman song, Alone, had me in tears all morning (see # 4 above)

9. It feels like a melting, a shedding, an opening. Like when you struggle with the walnut and then you find yourself holding the meat inside. Seems it ought to be shattered given the violent attempts to crack it open, or rotten given the long stretches of neglect. But remarkable, it’s intact. 

10. Here; so you can weep too:

11 thoughts on “when in doubt, itemize. then weep.

  1. thanks for the hugs, pixie! yes! let’s go to so cal this summer!

    miss you too.

    sending hugs right back to you and your sagging self esteem.

    the thing i’ve heard is that, unlike my boobies that will only hang lower as time ticks on, my self esteem will lift once again and without the aide of surgical intervention.


  2. I so have this flu as well. Apparently it’s spread from coast to coast. And I’ve been absolutely befuddled as I think back on a different version of myself that was powerful and confident and routinely set lofty goals and saw them through to completion. What the hell happened to that person? I thought parenthood was supposed to make me stronger and instead I feel like I’ve turned into someone who’s downright fragile. (sigh)

    Yes, please do come to Southern California and while you’re here, let’s get together. I make a good latte and even better margaritas.

  3. Aw, honey. Sending hugs and love…and tissues. I just figured my weepiness and low self esteem were due to sleep deprivation. Hmmm…

  4. lovely post. fluffy’s comment on #5 WOW! what a doozy! my boys make comments like that as well. it floors me everytime. and yes, i too weep.

    sending weepy hugs to you.

  5. the resilient miss peepers. living large. showing us how it’s done. i wonder if she’ll have post-traumatic beegu disorder. you may want to sprinkle zoloft in her feed.

    i had been curious, i’m glad she’s doing well.

  6. been thinking of you .. kinda knew somehow ..

    yes, it’s making the rounds – this blue flu. i found myself sobbing in my bathroom over the weekend (again) (still?) wondering when something in my life, anything in my life, would be on autopilot.

    nope, not alone.

    and fluffy’s spiritual awareness? holy crap.

    have you read this ..



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