Every six months…

October 1, 2011 by kyra

Every six months or so, I’ll stop by and say hello. I hear that’s the best way to grow readership.

Honestly? I haven’t been here because I couldn’t imagine what I would say. I had no wisdom to share. Zero. I’d look in the wisdom basket and it was empty, time and time again. Same with the wisdom cup, bowl, bag, drawer. All empty.

Fluffy is 10 years, 8 months.

I am 51, 359 days.

We both still have our struggles. Our good days. Our not so good days.

I’ve been reluctant to write about it. Fluffy is at the age where I feel it’s overstepping to write about his challenging times. (Frankly, Fluffy’s at the age where I feel it’s time to stop calling him Fluffy. Some people believe that moment arrived seconds after I first called him such a thing. Fluffy. What kind of a nickname is that for a kid?)

His challenges are his business. But they’re also very often connected to my challenges. And so the question I haven’t been able to answer is, How do I write about my challenges with his challenges without violating his privacy?

I haven’t been able to figure out that.

So, I talk to Dave.

I talk to a friend.

I talk to the air. The air is pretty helpful, actually. Helps me breathe while I’m trying to figure shit out.

Why write today, then. Hmm?

I’m not sure. It’s nothing earth-shattering. I mean, I have emerged on the other side of a rough patch–the last month or so in particular–with something, if not exactly wisdom. I know when I’ve come to a place like this by the state of my office. When I moved the piles and stacks from my desk to the floor, I know I’m shifting. I keep thinking of that scene in Apollo 13 when NASA has to figure out how to keep the astronauts alive when damage to their ship threatens their oxygen supply. The guys on the ground race into a room and dump a load of stuff on the table–everything the astronauts have up to work with up in space–and scramble against the clock to build something that will fix the problem before they all suffocate, a way, as I recall, to construct a thing that will connect a round to a square. Or the other way around.

I’ve got all my stuff dumped out on the table, in real life and inside my head. It’s all out there. I’m not making any snap judgments, just spreading it all out to see what might connect a round thing to a square hole or a square thing to a round hole.

Looking for connections.

I’ll let you know if I make any progress.

Carry on.

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Posted in autism/aspergers, life, school/homeschooling | 15 Comments

15 Responses

on October 1, 2011 at 9:48 am | Reply Niksmom

I get it. Completely. What you describe is, I think, not uncommon as our children get older. The untangling of stories —ours from theirs —and figuring out what’s appropriate to share.

Please know that you are thought of often and kept in hearts beyond this one commenter’s. xo
on October 1, 2011 at 10:20 am | Reply KAL

I also get it. What Niksmom says is really at the crux of it: “untangling our stories” — it’s so hard to do at a certain point. I’m just happy to see a post from you! I too think of you often and hope you make some of those connections soon. xoxo
on October 1, 2011 at 9:09 pm | Reply Mothersvox

So great to hear your voice again. The shifts to their late childhood/early adolescence make it hard to carry-on with the writing about their struggles–I know. It’s the same problem over at Autism’s Edges. The really tough things seem off limits . . . her challenges, not mine. But I love to hear your voice and I’m sure you can find just the right ways to put the pieces together. You always do.
on October 2, 2011 at 8:42 am | Reply Floor time lite mama

Totally get it
I really miss u and your writing though
on October 2, 2011 at 9:25 am | Reply Di

Hi Kyra
My son is 12 years old, quite severe and no speech! I have been following you for years! I have printed off a lot of your posts from the RDI Mid-atlantic yahoo group ~ if I recall correctly! I also have Gravity Pulls You In ~ one of my favourite books!
I blog about my son………. obviously it is easier for me to write about him because he is lower functioning and thus unaware! The reason for my blogging is so that my family and friends have an insight into my life with Nick and how autism affects us.
I am so interested in following your journey, therefore, will always look out for your six monthly post! (wish it was more often!)
Take care
Di
on October 3, 2011 at 1:16 am | Reply Stephlton

Oh good, I was beginning to worry that there had been a gas leak and that…well, nevermind. Privacy. Yeah. That’s huge. 10 years 8 months eh?? He must be huge. Then again, Kid Explosion is 7 and huge from my vantage point. To my BOOBS. I am 20 years 8 months and my SEVEN YEAR OLD SISTER is up to my BOOBS. I have demanded that she stop growing for at least two years. We’ll see how that works out. In any case, I am very happy to see you post ANYTHING. I wish we could talk. I need someone to talk to. Hmmm…six months. Well, Happy Halloween, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New year, Happy birthday to Fluffy or whatever name is currently being used, and Have a good Easter…ummm…I hope that covers everything….in about an hour i will remember some other holiday and kick myself.
on October 3, 2011 at 6:04 pm | Reply kyra

NiksMom, Kal, and Mothersvox–a gazillion thanks for stopping by to say hello. i was quite sure i’d be blogging into the void and that’s okay, but it’s ever so much lovelier to see your names.

Stephlton–up to your BOOBS? shocking! my fluffyster is way past the boobs but still, he’s got 3 years on Kid Explosion. i’d love to talk. what would you like to talk about? oh, and Valentine’s day. and martin luther king jr’s day. not to mention all the jewish holidays. hmmm. what else? oh! chinese new year.
on October 5, 2011 at 6:48 pm | Reply Stephlton

Yes! My BOOBS! It’s insane. Children are supposed to be TINY. Smushable. Easy to carry away as they kick and scream. I trip over her legs when I try that. it isn’t right. her legs should be much shorter to make me feel better about being vertically challenged…haha. frankly…anything. i need a distraction from the panic.

Augh! i forgot a bunch!!! ugh. valentine’s day is a horrible holiday. it is also a rather horrible day for a birthday. then again, candy for your birthday is kind of nice.
on October 7, 2011 at 9:06 am | Reply Naomi

So nice to read anything from you. You can write about your socks for all I care, it will still be interesting! I loved reading about Fluffy because I could relate so well, but I completely agree that at this age their story is their’s to tell. I’d love to read about the connections you make with your pile of stuff in the next little while. I haven’t dumped mine in the middle of the floor yet but I’m eyeing it as teeters on the edge.
on October 8, 2011 at 9:05 am | Reply Harvest Moon

Hi honey! Nice to read something from you (not as nice as talking in person, of course, but still, I know there are others who like to hear your voice as well, so I’m glad to see you typing. .

Hugs from here, see you soon I hope!~
on October 18, 2011 at 9:18 am | Reply Sencho

Hi Kyra,

Loved to read your post, I can imagine that it could be challenging to blog about Fluffy now he’s getting more aware. I came up to a clip of a child who is recovered from autism and he has been treated by a therapy developed by the autism treatment centre of america, do you know that? The therapy is called son-rise and it’s all about entering his world, accepting where he is and then, only with his concent, move towards certain goals you’ve set for him. Maybe that could help you with Fluffy getting older, to incorporate him and have a conversation about how he’s feeling about you posting about him? Anyways, just a thought I’ll put the link under here for you, it might inspire you .

http://youtu.be/sV40Fex-z5Y

Good luck with Fluffy and finding out what you want to do, Sencho.
on October 20, 2011 at 12:46 pm | Reply Ines Anchondo

Hi, Kyra, I just want to also just say hi! and I understand when situations openly defy us

Happy Autumn…..

PS. as I was writing it occurred to me that I wasn’t sure of what defy really means….here it is: Openly resist or refuse to obey: “a woman who defies convention”
on October 30, 2011 at 9:55 pm | Reply Mom2A

I can deeply relate. It’s a journey, with time for talking and time for walking, quietly… I will be thinking of you when you post and when you don’t, too. And when I comment and when I don’t, too. I’m quite a lurker, but I feel a deep connection to our community. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.
on November 10, 2011 at 12:09 pm | Reply anne

I stopped by today on a whim to see if you had anything new, and here you are, sharing something I can so fully relate to! I appreciate your humor, and the metaphor of sorting through things. It seems I am also reorganizing my “emotional and physical” spaces to cope with the stresses in my life, and in the lives of my three children. I have laughed with your posts, and cried too… today I am just hoping we both find clarity, and relief, and friends, and terrific coping skills because this is the job, and if we’re lucky we get to love it, and ourselve
on December 6, 2011 at 8:30 pm | Reply M

herzog has been popping out the documentaries left and right lately, it’s terrific.

the cave one i just saw…very lovely. more low-key that a lot of his films, but appropriately so. highly recommended, but i’m assuming you’ve seen it or plan to anyway.

his newer one, into the abyss, probably won’t come out here, so i’ll have to wait awhile on that one. really can’t wait, the fact that he’s jumping into such an intense issue, death penalty, and having intense conversations with a variety of people…killers, families of victims…sounds like amazing stuff.

okay. herzog update complete. hope you are well.