July 1

Image

 

The last couple of selfies are of a set, I’d call it–Giant Shadow Me. I wonder if it’s because I feel small, ineffectual and also not quite there, not part of anything real.  I wonder if it’s my wish to be enormous, Godzilla-like, striding across acres with one step, scaling buildings with ease. 

Nothing feels easy these days. 

I’d say I was feeling despair but that’s not quite right. One needs to feel more to be in despair. It’s not quite apathy either. That’s too strong a stand.

It’s hard to describe.

There’s a mix of worry, envy, frustration, deep confusion, gratitude, hope, and sadness. And a side of rage. 

 

older vaginas

anyone out there with an older vagina?

mine is almost 55. older, actually, since it started growing when i was a fetus, right?

it used to be tiny and fresh and simple. a delicate folder flower in its bloom. then it was eager and lush and eternally cheerful, up for anything. uncomplicated.

now, the situation down there (hands circling–indicating the general crotch area) has gotten very complicated. i need an updated user’s manual.

the physical plant is different. first off–we’re losing moisture here. there’s some sort of leak. code red. we’ve got a code red here, the river is dry repeat the river is dry. it must be addressed with vitamin e capsules and natural enhancers, with estrogen creams and a particular confluence of factors: music, lighting, banter, and time, lots and lots of time.

access is different. she doesn’t answer the door in her messy pony tail, like she used to, clad in, like, a bra & panties with a drink in her hand. COME ON IN! access is now a process.

you enter into a waiting area and encounter a friendly but slow-moving receptionist who greets you with a clipboard, some forms, a pen that dangles from a string.  Yes? Hello, come on in. Now, what brings you here to see the vagina today? how do you know the vagina? okay, I have some paperwork for you to fill out, some essay questions describing your intentions, etc.,  do you have a photo ID with you today? okay, that’s okay, just take a seat, let me go on in and let the vagina know you’re here. 

she’s busy. her time is valuable. she hurries for no man.

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